XY Consulting

The Jacob Research Institute was established to conduct research on the many applications of XY Theory, and how they affect every aspect of life. These applications include: personality differential, science, genetics, epigenetics, behavior, interaction, intimacy, empathy, and neuroscience. Initially, our primary goal was to discover the one trait or factor that best predicts whether relationships would succeed or fail or how singles choose their partners. However, it became evident to our team that XY Theory affected the way we do business, the way we form relationships, even the way we vote or choose careers. The eight categories provided below are not exhaustive. New applications are being discovered daily. As our research continues we find new areas where our lives are being impacted by a theory we’ve only just begun to scratch the surface of. We have three levels of need, social, relational and neural. But, even these are overlapping and more integrated than one might think. We have only categorized them for ease of explanation and to share them with you as simply as we can. Though the third level is the most neural, relying almost solely on the latest finding in neuroscience, genetics and other sciences, these sciences affect how we interact on all levels, including relational and social levels. JRI provides consulting services to businesses and corporations, counseling agencies, couples and singles, coaches, educators, and religious organizations. For more information about our services please contact us at (800) 251-3603 or connect@xytheory.com


MARRIAGE – Eighty five percent of the couples we’ve tested were in what we refer to as a mismatched or XY Relationship. One widow who had been married for 49 years, admitted that had she known about XY Theory before marriage and applied the simple principles, she would have saved herself about 48 years of marital conflict. XY Theory is about relationship needs and a relationship personality that determines needs that most of us are unaware of. Using our science, we can predict problems in a marriage long before they even occur and we can tell couples what they need to do specifically to avoid relationship ending conflict. Basically, we can now help couples identify the “blind spots” in their relationships. We discovered that a couple’s personality difference was the primary hindrance to bonding and resolving conflict. We teach that it’s not one person’s fault, but personality differences that are causing conflict in the relationship. Through our 12-step Relationship Management System, couples learn how to meet their partner’s needs by first understanding what their own needs are in the relationship. Once this is understood, couples can focus on mastering those needs to facilitate the hormone, Oxytocin that produces bonding in the relationship. The focus is not about changing your core being, but simply making minor adjustments for maintaining a strong and harmonious relationship. Remember when you first dated? Well, you fell in love not with the person you’re now with relationally, but with their fun loving, romantic, caring representative in a social setting, stuck in “play” mode. Hormones helped you to fall for this person, but without the serious considerations of work and family matters. We can help you rediscover this person and reset your relationship to increase your satisfaction and enjoyment. You can begin today to learn exactly what you and your partner need, to enjoy the married life you deserve.


DATING INTELLIGENCE™ – XY Theory allows individuals to determine how well matched they are, even before going on the first date. As such, matching personalities saves singles time and often disappointment from entering a potentially messy relationship. The XY Personality Test™ is the only test of its kind that measures the relational personality and not the social, as other test instruments do. In other words, we can tell you what your date will be like once in a committed relationship and whether or not he/she would be able to meet your needs to keep you happy, and you can know this before taking that first step. The test examines 4 key areas of relationship personality. Adaptability: An individual’s ability to make the adjustments needed from partners interested in making the relationship work. Interactivity: Among other needs, is the need to successfully resolve conflict or differences when they occur. XY Communication: A core dimension or need for various forms of communication that promotes the flow of the neurohormone, Oxytocin which research identifies as essential for bonding or closeness. XY Intimacy: This second core dimension consists of a variety of traits that differs between X and Y type personalities, but also produces Oxytocin and facilitates bonding as well. And this is only the first or relational level of matching. On the second level, we examine social traits which are important because they too produce Oxytocin and represent the social arena in which most relationships begin.


PARENTING AND FAMILY RELATIONS – We’ve helped hundreds of families deal with various types of conflict, but have noticed that much of the parent-child conflict we’ve helped address, appeared to have been also affected by personality differences. Parents whose personalities showed an XY difference often had more conflict with children with opposing personalities. Building a bond varied per child, but was also easily facilitated or hindered by the personality of the parent compared to that of the child. Each child’s personality type interacts differently, even among siblings. Some children like space and are not the “let me tell you what happened at school today” types. While others are the complete opposite. We help parents to connect with each child by teaching them about their children’s personality differences. There were also some surprises as well from our research [and we welcome other researchers to partner with us in PIC (parent/child intervention research)]. Here are just a few: some parents seemed to show clear preference for children with opposite personalities. The preference for children with similar personalities often flipped in young adulthood. Interestingly, we also had to caution Y type parents on the verge of divorce, to set up arrangements that would allow them to stay in touch with their children after separation. X type children also seemed to suffer more openly from the lack of or a breakdown in communication from feuding parents. A child’s home environment determines whether or not they will be able to commit to or sustain a healthy relationship as adults.


EDUCATION – Having worked as a psychologist in schools for over 20 years, I can tell you what most parents know: Students will not apply themselves in any class taught by a teacher they feel no connection to. This is particularly true in subject areas like math. When asked why they’re failing math, students would often say, “I don’t like the teacher.” When XY Theory is applied to romantic relationships we’ve found that it’s difficult to get partners to make the necessary changes for their partner, if they don’t feel a connection to or no longer respect them. We did not expect personality differences to play as big a role in whether your child learns academically, but it does. Suffice it to say here, though, an even greater impact lies in the fact that teaching style and grading is often reliant on your child’s participation in class and expressiveness, both verbally and in written form. But Y type children have less expressive personalities. Should they be penalized for being who they are naturally? We are currently working within the educational system to test middle school students, and create a model for educators to better connect with their students and improve learning processes based on the student’s personality type. Our research on our personality’s impact in education is covered in XY Theory’s book II.


CAREER – We’ve known for some time that we tend to prefer jobs that match our personality. If we’re fortunate at the time we seek meaningful employment, we might choose a job or career that energizes us rather than depletes us at the end of the day. This is what we’ve discovered when we applied XY Theory to career choice. Y types were choosing careers that were requiring less interaction, more solo projects and less team work. Engineering, computer programming and similar careers were typically the choice of Y type personalities, while X types were often found in service oriented careers. When this did not occur, X types felt their jobs weren’t a vocation or calling, but drudgery, while misplaced Ys were going home to their families from jobs like teaching or counseling, and needing one to two hours to recharge their batteries and recoup before spending time with their families. Our goal is to ultimately work with high schools, universities, colleges and college counselors to help students understand their own personalities and make career choices based on their personality type.


BUSINESS – Every facet of business is affected by the XY Model. Sales are affected by a customer’s personality and, as a result, companies claiming to be able to provide businesses with an API or the algorithms to best predict customer behavior are numerous. Yet, we believe that the Personality APIs we have developed are more effective at doing just that. Moreover, the XY Personality and Perception models can analyze employee behavior and thereby boost productivity, and predict which individuals can best form synergistic teams. Hiring and firing practices have been discovered to be affected by the personality differences between individuals in HR conducting interviews and the interviewees. But, team building is the biggest story when it comes to output. Which personality types work best with their managers. Also, which personality types should be aligned to perform which functions or positions to maximize productivity. Furthermore, employees who do not get relational needs met at home are more apt to try to get needs met at work, lowering productivity. We have begun to conduct trainings and workshops for corporations and small businesses, to address these concerns.


THERAPY, COUNSELING & COACHING – XY Theory’s approach to therapy and coaching has successfully impacted marriages, dating and education. XY Theory changes how we provide therapy and counseling to our clients, school counseling to students, or coaching for clients with more short-term and goal-oriented needs. The new science available to clinicians, including growing disciplines, such as the Neuroscience of Psychotherapy and of Coaching continues to change. But change to our profession is welcomed also because through no fault of clinicians, marital counseling, to single out just one example, does not have a high success rate, if a rise in satisfaction or drop in the probability of divorce are the measures. Why? Because most clients wait until they’re at the throes of divorce or separation to consider seeking help. Often this is too late and both partners are no longer “all-in”, or fully invested. Our XY Personality and XY Perception Tests interrupts this by exposing fissures in the fabric long before they can be clearly seen, certainly before marital failure and this helps partners to clearly see this crisis looming to seek immediate help. When it comes to getting professional help, as you know timing is everything. It’s less useful or helpful to seek professional help for your relationship when it has deteriorated to stage 4 (in a 5-stage model of deterioration). But there’s more. In spite of the best efforts on the part of clinicians in getting clients to accept that they are part of a dynamic relationship, a system, where one partners actions affects the other often in a cyclical way which then assigns blame to either party is difficult. This is hindering to the process. Not so with the XY Theory approach. After learning of a modality that cites partners’ differences as the culprit, individuals find it easier to accept a “no-fault” position when entering a client-clinician therapeutic relationship. The focus on the clients’ ability to adapt and adjust, along with addressing the universal need for XY Communication, XY Intimacy, and resolution for conflict and differences allows service providers to focus on goals that allow these basic needs to be met quickly and successfully. We recommend the XY Theory approach for singles, pre-engaged, engaged and married couples. We train therapists, counselors and coaches who are interested in using the XY Theory Approach in their practice.


RELIGION – The divorce rate has been rising considerably among religious denominations over the past two decades. At JRI, we’ve purported that spirituality is not the sole reason for the rise, but personality differences among people of faith that is wreaking havoc on marriages. Religious belief does not replace the need for compatibility in a relationship nor personal adjustment and growth, once that relationship or marriage is embarked upon. Our work with churches and religious organizations involves sharing the latest science behind relationships and marriage. Our workshops and presentations have been sought from a variety of denominations, including the Catholic Diocese as well as a vast number of Protestant churches. We’ve begun to train clergy and ministry leaders because of the sheer number of organizations seeking XY Theory applications to meet the growing needs of their laity.